A rather dark poem i wrote rather explicit (not sexual)

siro_angel · Post by **siro_angel** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 6:47 pm

This is a rather dark poem i wrote on the way back home from the jobcentre today.

Her shadow,
Bold and strong,
Through the flickering,
Candlelight,
She lay,
Motionless,
As if dead,
Her death,
Only shown through,
Her left wrist,
Bleeding like,
A gentle river flowing,
Her right hand,
Holds not a knife,
But a shard of glass,
The bottle beside her,
Held more whiskey,
Than the blood,
In her body,
Her lips,
Still pink,
Slowly turning to grey,
Her bottle,
Toppled over,
Scratched on the label,
This is the end,
This is the end.

Simon

Post by **The Flying Dutchman** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 7:45 pm

Wish I could write like that!
Add some music (in minor key) to it and you can have a nice song!

siro_angel · Post by **siro_angel** » Tue Nov 13, 2007 10:36 pm

The Flying Dutchman wrote:Wish I could write like that!
Add some music (in minor key) to it and you can have a nice song!

lmao! I cant put my writing to music, its hard lol

If you have any ideas they would be appiciated!

Simon

RhoadsFan · Post by **RhoadsFan** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:55 am

poems can be happy???

frank · Post by **frank** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:17 am

sure. art is a reflection of the soul. moody joyful, introspective, whereever you're at emotionally or spiritually.

simon?

Sarab · Post by **Sarab** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:02 am

Wow Simon.
Just wow.

siro_angel · Post by **siro_angel** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 10:07 am

frank wrote:sure. art is a reflection of the soul. moody joyful, introspective, whereever you're at emotionally or spiritually.

simon?

Indeed it is

I promise that i will make a happier poem, i was in a fowl mood after coming out of the jobcentre and i was pacing up to where i live (a 2 mile walk) and i started saying that poem out aloud as it comes out of my head.

I'll make a happier one dont you worry

Simon

Cpt Matt Sparrow · Post by **Cpt Matt Sparrow** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 11:24 am

Beautiful dark work there Simon...nice one!

Matt

Post by **Trigger** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 1:53 pm

I love it, I think art comes in many forms and not all of them have to look happy & bright.

Paul Wolfe · Post by **Paul Wolfe** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:06 pm

siro_angel wrote:
The Flying Dutchman wrote:Wish I could write like that!
Add some music (in minor key) to it and you can have a nice song!
lmao! I cant put my writing to music, its hard lol If you have any ideas they would be appiciated!

Simon

Maybe you could collaborate with someone like Matt... you guys could be like Lennon/McCartney or Plant/Page.

siro_angel · Post by **siro_angel** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 6:34 pm

Matthew wrote:Beautiful dark work there Simon...nice one!

Matt

How about it Matt? fancy me being plant you being page or whichever of us wants to be lennon and mccartney?

Shame i cant sing aint it?

Simon

Post by **The Flying Dutchman** » Wed Nov 14, 2007 9:59 pm

siro_angel wrote:lmao! I cant put my writing to music, its hard lol

Of course you can!
Just find for each line a chord that will fit best and start from there and see where it's leading to!

siro_angel · Post by **siro_angel** » Thu Nov 15, 2007 9:35 am

The Flying Dutchman wrote:
siro_angel wrote:lmao! I cant put my writing to music, its hard lol
Of course you can!
Just find for each line a chord that will fit best and start from there and see where it's leading to!

*is daunted*

Simon

Six_Strung_Out · Post by **Six_Strung_Out** » Sat Nov 17, 2007 1:33 am

Of course you can!
Just find for each line a chord that will fit best and start from there and see where it's leading to!

FD is right on about the chords.

Of course your poem is dark and inward. So,

E-Minor A-Minor-D-Minor The melody for the words might surface unexpectedly.

Please keep writing

Cpt Matt Sparrow · Post by **Cpt Matt Sparrow** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 12:57 pm

I'd be honourd to work with you Simon. Remember Suzie sings too!