I need to vent, scream, something...

Sarab · Post by **Sarab** » Sat Jun 13, 2009 2:34 am

Hey Y'all.
I just need to vent out my anger. No, that's not right. I need to just talk, I guess.

15 years ago, (it could have been tonight, June 12 or tomorrow June 13, don't know for certain) that my mom passed away.
The reason I don't know, is that she went to bed Sunday night, (June 12), and I was mad at her, so when I left for work the next morning, I didn't even tell her goodbye. I was going to call her later that day and ask her if she had been watching tv, as that is when OJ's wife and friend were found dead. We got busy at work, and never had the chance to call. I found her in her bed when I came home. She had died in her sleep. I think she may have had a heart attack. The death certificate listed that she had hyper tension, and Cirrhosis.
Anyway...
I received an email from my mom's sister-in-law, telling me that my uncle had passed away yesterday morning, due to complications of Parkinsons.

I'm thankful for the fact that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. I find it ironic, that it happened so close to my mom's anniversary of her death.
I was close to my mom's 2 brothers and their wives, (she was the oldest of 3 children) when I was a child, as we would go and visit them at least once a year.
I'm just totally bummed that I can't even go and pay my last respects to him, and visit with what little bit of family that I have. I'm mad at myself for not going to visit them on vacation, instead of going to Disney World for the third time. I just feel as though I've cheated my girls of meeting someone who knew my mom and dad, and could tell them about my parents.

I'm sorry if I brought y'all down. I just needed to talk a little.
Thanks.

GUITARIDOL5682 · Post by **GUITARIDOL5682** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 2:45 am

Hi Gina, I'm very surprised that no one has replied to this post. I know that it can be a difficult subject to reply to and some people don't know what to say. But i can see how you are feeling guilty and some how are trying to make things better by sharing this with us. I have been there and had the t-shirt but my circumstances are different to yours. You are wishing you had made that vacation to see your uncle but it's too late to turn back the clock. You cannot change that now, but all you can do is to make the best of the family you still have. Explain to the girls and i bet you they'd really want to go to disneyland instead of visiting a relative. You made the right choice at the right time. It's only now that you wish you had done the right thing. I think you did the right thing for your close family and your kids come first remember that. They wouldn't want you to get all upset over this and you need to have some comfort in being able to explain this to them. I'm sure they'll understand Mom and make you feel better. I'm reading this back and i sound like a proper agony uncle. I'll have to get myself a weekly column in the local rag "Ask GI"

. But take some of my advice onboard babe lifes too short to have regrets.

Sarab · Post by **Sarab** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:29 am

*kisses*

Post by **skezza** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:45 am

I was going to reply, but didn't know what to say

Post by **Trigger** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 8:01 pm

I picked up a message from Gina late leastnight but didn't check the forum until now so I do apologise for looking rude.

I wrestled with something that to me was similer a while ago, mt grandma in her 90's was so ill and mentaly vacated I decided I wouldn't visit her any longer because she didn't know I was there, who I was or where she was! it hurt to see her body letting her strong will down with suceh physical cost.
My parents were away and I was the only person here when a call came saying she is slipping away, I rushed to her and nothing had changed except they had decided to not give her fluids to speed up her passing!!!!!!! I was so angry that I demanded them put her onto a drip to prevent this poor old woman dying with an internal pain from dehidration! I got her an extra few weeks of life before she went away in comfort with dignity and grace.
I now feel guilt for the time when I had decided to stay away because that pain might be greater than the pain I felt seeing her as she withered.
Gina I don't think you were selfish because as mother of a family you choose for them and so many choices could be taken with the benefit of hind sight that right now seem better. You are a lovely woman who I love and value greatly I am proud to have you here working at UR with people who care so much for each other, and you know that we here have loyalty consideration and values. I am certain that everyone will understand your pain and will know you well enough to know that your anquish was not caused by any selfishness on your part

rice_pudding · Post by **rice_pudding** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:06 pm

you seem to feel guilty but no one is to blame, everyone takes things for granted until they're gone, its natural.

GI is quite right, you are the head of your family unit, and you made what was the best decision for your family.

best wishes

Rob

Alex · Post by **Alex** » Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:10 pm

xx123456

NicDots · Post by **NicDots** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:11 am

Death is a hard thing to face. I remember my grandpa dying here in the house. He had a massive stroke and then the hospital sent hospice things, and we had all of that set up downstairs. It was horrifying to go down stairs every morning and see him comatose. I was really close to him growing up. As both my parents worked, he watched me during the day and would joke around with me and help me with my homework (the usual grandpa=grandkid type things).

Anyway, I'd always talk to him when he was in his coma. I'd ask him what CD he'd want on. Even though he didn't respond, I'd put in what I thought he'd want to hear. But I remember when my parents called me down stairs, telling me that he was "going." I couldn't make it all the way down. I couldn't be that close to him as he died. It freaked me out. I just stood at the top of the stairs and watched. I regret not having the guts to be there, holding his hand. I have this feeling that he's somewhere, and he knows that I chickened out. After all that he did for me, I couldn't just sit there next to him.

Anyway Gina, I am sorry to hear about your mom and your uncle. Family is SO very important. Yeah, they can be annoying, but you are only gonna have one mom and one Uncle so and so. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Just know that. If life only allowed for do-overs...

Sarab · Post by **Sarab** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:41 am

Thanks everyone for your kind words and thoughts.
I received a phone call early Monday morning. The florist wasn't able to deliver the plant
that I had ordered for Sunday. I told them that they were having the Mass said that Morning,
but not to deliver the plant at the church, deliver at the home. I haven't had a call back saying
that they weren't able to do it, but they told me Monday that they were taking 20% off the delivery and
off the price of the plant.

Post by **skezza** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:11 pm

Gina,
I feel for you. It is not always possible to say bye, but you can be sure she was very proud of you. I dread to think of the day when I lose my parents, however, I will still know that they are proud of me and losing them will never change that. I am sorry to hear about your uncle. Death is something that we all face, but seems to get harder every time we do. Sorry about not replying sooner, I just couldn't put my thoughts into words.
Joe

Zakk Daniels · Post by **Zakk Daniels** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:33 pm

Sorry for the loss and God bless you and your family.

Post by **Trigger** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:11 pm

Again I will repeat it, My love to you and the family Gina.